PNE | Why

Why is this happening to me?

First Published 2.20.13
Revised 8.4.13

Without the tearing down of twigs, there would be no building of nests. ‘Jane Grayshon’
Why is this happening to me God?

One night (out of many) I was lying in bed in severe pain.  It was about 2:00 a.m, and like every normal human I was wondering why this was all happening to me.  The word “pain” kept spinning around in my head, so I looked up synonyms for that word.  One of the synonyms was the word tenderness.  Suddenly it was as if someone was whispering in my ear.  I did not hear any voice but if there was a voice, it was the “still small voice of God”, and the following is what I heard in my spirit.

“Angela, you’re asking WHY, but perhaps you should rather seek WHAT I am doing and leave the WHY to me.  I’m am beginning the process of forming tenderness in you.  It will take a while, and it will continue to hurt.  It will feel at times as if your flesh is being torn, but I must do this work in you”.  That’s when it hit me that God himself was in the room with me, and I began to have the sense that God was doing a deeper work in my life than I could possibly fathom.   And so I recognize this as “My Tender Journey” and thus I have renamed my blog “The Tender Sphere”.

It is now more than four months since that evening, and what God is doing is beginning to come into focus.  I have come to that awareness largely because of a book that I read very early on when this affliction began, and so I now will echo portions of Jane Grayshon’s words in her book “A Harvest From Pain”  Janes writes mostly about her emotions and how she copes with severe pain.  Here are some of her thoughts, which I must say have been many of my own.  Like Jane, I wondered if my writing merely a pitiful attempt to drag some worth out of my suffering, a form of therapy for me to cope.  No … I believe, as Jane finally came to believe that sharing the truth about pain is essential to dealing with its realities.

Here then, highlighted in green and excerpted from Jane’s book are Janes thoughts on her struggle with wondering if her writing was  Continue reading “Why is this happening to me?”