Tender Update 2.21.13

/ Angela

Without the tearing down of twigs,
there would be no building of nests. 
Jane Grayshon

.
Why is the Journey called Tender?

I’ve decided to call this time in my life “The Tender Journey” because one night (out of many) I was lying in bed in severe pain. It was about 2:00 a.m, and like every normal human I was wondering why this was all happening to me. The word “pain” kept spinning around in my head, so I looked up synonyms for that word. One of the synonyms was the word tenderness. Suddenly it was as if someone was whispering in my ear. I did not hear any voice but if there was a voice, it was the “still small voice of God”, and the following is what I heard in my spirit.

“Angela, I’m am beginning the process of forming tenderness in you. It will take a while, and it will continue to hurt.  It will feel at times as if your flesh is being torn, but I must do this work in you”.

That’s when it hit me that God himself was in the room with me, and I began to have the sense that God was doing a deeper work in my life than I could possibly fathom. It is now more than four months since that evening, and what God is doing is beginning to come into focus.   Like many people who suffer chronic and ongoing pain, I was searching for answers.  The question was not “why God”, nor was it “why me God”.    I have been walking with Jesus long enough to know that God loves me and sometimes he allows discomfort, even severe pain and trial for the good of his child.  So my burning question  was “what is it you want me to learn God”.    I really wanted to hear from God, but he seemed to be silent.

In those early days,  I was reading a book entitled “A Harvest From Pain” (Jane Grayshom).   Janes writes mostly about her emotions and how she copes with severe pain.   Janes suffering has lasted a lifetime (30+ years).  What struck me most though was that she had not become bitter, in fact she was more in love with God than ever.  Therefore, I felt she was a person I could learn from.    This was also one of the reasons I knew God was doing a “deeper” work in me, because I had a hunger to know not so much WHY he allowed the suffering, but WHAT he was might be trying to show me.  I didn’t want to miss it.

Jane’s book spoke so much to me that I ended up chronicling a summary (of sorts) of the comments in her book that most spoke to me.  Like Jane, I wondered if my writing was merely a pitiful attempt to drag some worth out of my suffering, a form of copy therapy.   But, like Jane, I came to believe that facing AND sharing the truth about pain is essential to dealing with its realities.  Here then, (below) highlighted in green and excerpted from Jane’s book are Janes thoughts on her struggle with wondering if her writing was her own pitiful attempt at making some sense out suffering:

“God allows a gradual transformation. His yeast is at work: His Holy Spirit which suffuses me with His life, warming my coldness toward Him, lifting my heaviness. And now I see that the stone is not something hard that a hard God holds out to me. The stone is in me. And God is a vulnerable God. And I only ever glimpse God’s own pain.

I feel freed to a new sense of joy. It is a solemn joy. The question is asked “Do you believe in the goodness of God” and knowing that no matter what, I do. It is neither my success nor my fruitfulness which are important in my life, but union with God. That is what he made me for. This morning I see that to come close to His heart is to encounter pain..my heart beating more closely to His own pulse. For without the tearing down of twigs, there would be no building of nests.”

So … Why am I sharing all of this, because someone (many someones) shared the deep (and even private) things of their heart with me. It has helped me make sense out of all this suffering. I understand now, that God loves me perfectly, and He loves me higher and better than I can ever comprehend this side of Heaven. He MUST conform me to the image of his son. One way God affects sanctification is through suffering. After all, His one and only Son suffered, and died on the cross for my sin and the sin of the world. Therefore, this is my humble attempt to share that understanding with others. Yes we’ve heard it over and over again that Satan is no respecter of persons. He will lie, deceive and try to devour each and every one of God’s children. He will try to deceive us, as he tried to deceive Eve into thinking that God does not have his best for us and that he is not good. We must be, as the scriptures teach, be sober and vigilant because we have a mighty adversary. BUT we have a great, all knowing and all powerful wise God. I trust him. I trust him in and out of trials … I will trust Him.

In matters such as chronic and severe pain which lasts for weeks, months, years and possibly a lifetime, I have found help in God’s word (The Holy Bible) and the wise counsel of others, and my hope is that my writing will do the same, if only for one soul. That is why I share so openly. God bless you. God is blessing me, for I truly am on a Journey of Joy.

Hebrews 12:11 – No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Tender Journey | Related Pages

Blessings Image used by permission…click here to forward it …

Leave a Reply